"Watch your footsteps!" dad's voice drifted through the soft breeze of Tennessee. The vast open sky spread out before us, more peaceful than ever. Feeling the warmth of the sun, my family and I were crossing a lake in our own favorite park, "Clam World". As I took small steps, I felt the slippery stepping-stones sturdy under my bare feet. These bridge of stones would lead us to the other side of the lake where everything was teeming with colors and life. "Be careful," said mom as she took my hand in hers. As I paced, my eyes were mesmerized by glistening emerald-green water tinged with turquoise. It always made the sky even bluer than it is. The lake had its own scent of sweet flowers and baked fish that I could almost taste. When we got closer to the edge of the lake, the tranquil waves slowly brushed past, tickling our feet. My lips curled into a huge smile. Soon, we reached the shore and threw ourselves on the green patch of grass. Our wet toes would squirm in the cozy grass, basking in the sun. "Such a glorious weather," my mom would often murmur to us.
Bending over to the translucent waters, my little sister's eyes were solidly fixed on clams. Big ones, small ones, gray ones and black ones, there would be hundreds of them silently hunched at the very bottom of the lake. "Fifty one, fifty two…fifty three! I see fifty three clams!" She shouted excitedly. "No, fifty four. You missed one," I corrected her. Clams blew out small air bubbles to the surface of the clear water as they eavesdropped on our conversation. Grinning, dad always commented, "No wonder you two named this park, Clam World." Time would fly like that. By the time the sky dyed itself in fiery red and purple with a beautiful sunset, a flock of white geese would glide through the water, coming onto the land. Their webbed feet were stomping the ground demanding for bread. "Here's some food for you, Mr. Goose!" I shouted as I threw bits of stale bread onto the grass. Gorging themselves with great speed, the geese would finish to the very last bits of bread almost digging their beaks into the grass. Satisfied, they left in peace after finishing their dinner. When the sky finally dressed itself in dark black evening dress, my family packed our bags to leave Clam World. That's when tiny yellow-green lights appeared in the darkness. At first there were only a few of them. Soon, there were dozens of them almost bright enough to light up the whole park. "Fireflies!" my sister shouted with a blissful look on her face. "They are like twinkling stars," I whispered, awestruck by so small but lively lights. All this happened more than ten years ago in the U.S but the enchantment of Clam World is never forgotten in our family.
Hello, this is Donghee. I absolutely loved what you did with the name ‘Clam World’. When I read it on the first paragraph I thought that is an odd name for a park, then you got me on the second paragraph when your father said "No wonder you two named this park, Clam World". You described the lake, how it looked like, how it smelled, and I think that was pretty much well done. I liked the part where you personified the clams, as if they were eavesdropping on you. This is just a suggestion; maybe you can describe the tactility of the clams you and your sister caught. what did you feel when you touched them? I want to know about it. The firefly part was like a picture was unfolding before me. What a peaceful and beautiful scene. Lucky for you to have such a wonderful childhood experience! If given chance, I would love to visit your ‘Clam Word’. Great writing.
ReplyDeleteHi, this is Joo-Hyun LEE. I definitely enjoyed reading your essay as you described your own park “Clam World” so beautifully. I loved the way you depicted the lake, how it looked like, and how it smelled with your vivid and sophisticated expressions. Actually, I really liked the passage “my eyes were mesmerized by glistening emerald-green water tinged with turquoise” as I could totally imagine as well as empathize with the lovely picture reminding me of the Mediterranean Sea. I also appreciated the expression “the tranquil waves slowly brushed past, tickling our feet” as I could feel the serenity as well as the sensitive tactility of the lake. The overall atmosphere seemed to be peaceful, romantic (when describing the lake) as well as full of excitement (when your sister and you counted the clams or fed the geese). When revising your essay, you may add the tactility of the clams as your sister and you spent a great time with them. Besides, the firefly part was also like a picture. Your writing made me imagine and bring me in such a peaceful and beautiful scene. I envy you to have such a wonderful childhood experience! If I was given a chance, I would definitely love to visit your ‘Clam Word’. Great writing:)
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