There is a moment that I clearly remember even now. In 2013, when I was sophomore in university I enrolled HUFS journal. Before then, I did not know that our school has a journal. I just applied the organization because my friend in major applied that organization. But it was a turning point in my life. I really satisfied with my career in HUFS journal. There were many chances to realize myself and enhance my writing, view to society and personality.
For the first few months in HUFS journal was very confused. Writing my opinion and covering news was very unfamiliar with me. Meeting interviewee and making some rapport was difficult for the first few times but it was precious moment. I met chief announcer of SBS and for the interview I had to prepare so much. Because the preparation for the interview decide the quality of the meeting. I search for the personal information about the interviewee and the topic of that meeting. By doing so, I can communicate better with the interviewee. Often the interviewee is the most specialist in the topic of the meeting, so it is important to prepare thoroughly to understand and progress smoothly.
Being a vice editor of the journal, I had to face some other difficulties. Our organization is autonomy so we are free from school official and headquarters. Our editorial rights are independent from anybody and we can criticize our school without any interruption. However our organization has a supervise professor. He usually exchange some thoughts, sights and views related to our coverage but cannot suppress his opinion. We respect each other. But last semester, one of our journalist tried to write and cover some topics of chancellor's pledge. We tried some contacts directly to the school office, and supervise professor warned by the school headquarter because he was judged by the school office as if he lost some initiative over us. Maybe, our school headquarter still thinks our autonomy as just a student's club. As being chief editor, I should care about the environment of our school society not just about writing and covering good news.
Working in a school journal is a good opportunity and I think it cannot be replaced by any other experience. Later I may occupy in pre-existing presses and the experience in here may be good indicator for my career. The society that I will face after I graduate will even be so harsh. I believe experiences in here will be helpful in those moments.
After reading your essay about an experience that you clearly remember and was important to you, I caught one detail that made this experience seem real to you which are personal indicators like lots of “I”, “there is a moment that I clearly remember even now”, “in 2013”, “when I was sophomore” or adjectives such as “confused”.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I got confused in some sentences or expressions like in the first paragraph “friend in major” maybe you could have been more precise by saying “my friend majoring in Journalism” or “in Journalism major”, I couldn’t really understand what you meant by “realize myself”. In the second paragraph, in the first sentence, I think you forgot the subject “I” or you should change the adjective into “confusing” if you mean by “the HUFS Journal” and I got confused by the word “rapport” because normally it is followed by words like “with” or “between”, so at first, I thought you meant by “report” but reading the next paragraphs, I could understand that you might have wanted to say about the “relationship”. In the third paragraph, instead of “we tried some contacts directly” maybe it would have been clear, if you had said “we tried getting in touch with” or “we tried to contact” or even “we tried some direct contacts with~”. I was also confused because you said in the beginning of the third paragraph that you were vice editor and at the end of the same paragraph the chief editor but in the same tense. So, I think you should express the anteriority of the event by saying “Having been a vice editor” or “Being a vice editor at that time”. There also some grammar mistakes that could be changed in the first paragraph “enrolled in”, “applied to”, “be satisfied with”, “view of” whereas in the second paragraph “were very unfamiliar” as there are two subjects and even applying for the same reason in the following sentence. Besides, it would have been better by placing the article “the” in “I met the chief announcer of SBS”, ”decides” instead of “decide” as you inversed the subject and the verb. Instead of having started the sentence with “because”, you could have just used expressions like “as”. In the third paragraph, instead of “autonomy” which is a noun, you may change into an adjective “autonomous” as it is following the verb. Also, as “supervise” is a verb, you can convert into “supervisor” or “supervising professor”. In the following sentence, “exchanges” would be better as the subject is “he”. Few sentences after, it would be better to insert the verb be as “was warned by”. In the last paragraph, I think you should have put the article “a” before “good indicator” as it is a countable noun. In addition, instead of saying “here” as the paragraph has changed, it may be better to mention the “HUFS Journal” or “club” so that it’s clear to the readers. Moreover, after “even”, it is usually followed with a comparative degree word in this case “harsher”. Finally, instead of “experiences in here”, you can say “these experiences” as it lacked an article and you had already used the word “in here”.
I think the first paragraph is a good beginning but maybe with a hook question in the first sentence, it would have caught more rapidly our attention. Though, the current beginning is also good as there is strong word like “turning point” that makes us want to read on.
The basic verb tense is the present. It was well used but sometimes it was confusing as I mentioned previously in the confused or grammar mistakes part.
I would like to know the following story whether one of your journalist succeed in writing a topic about the chancellor’s pledge.
Hi! I'm Dong YI Kang of your class ! >____< I believe this is one of the papers that I had the joy of reading in class! I believe this contains some of the most direct notions and feelings, and I like how it does that in succinct manner. I think your grammar has some minor mistakes but shows great grammatical forms overall! Your past tenses are wonderful as well! Thanks!
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