I held the lighter carefully, as I watched what I had in the other hand would catch fire or not. I was scared either way. My hands were trembling and I had already burnt my thumb. My friends Megan and Lyndsey were both with me, blocking any whistle of wind that may sway the tiny but powerful red and yellow glow I had in my hands. All of a sudden, with a sizzling buzz, the fire caught on. "Run, run, run, run, run!!!" I shouted and we ran back to the hose from the driveway. As we ran, we heard fireworks shooting into the clear black sky.
The date was 4th of July. Having never celebrated or even been in America for such an occasion, I generally had no idea what this day was about. Fortunately, my friend Megan and Lyndsey had asked me join their families in the city and I was delighted to go. Even as we were driving, I could see this was a busy holiday. To celebrate the legal separation and independence of United States from Great Britain, you could see signs of America all around. As we drove into the lively neighborhood, I could already sense the excitement of the residents. Houses had ribbons and flags hanging on the terrace, pillars and walls and even the kids' faces were painted. Indeed, at Megan's there were decorations everywhere, each one with the American flag printed on it. The table cloth, cups, napkins and plates were all striped in red white. A cake which Megan's aunt had brought even had fruit skewers with blueberry, strawberry and marshmallows. Everyone was busy turning on some music, talking about what a beautiful day it was and also preparing the food for the big barbeque later on. Lyndsey, Megan and I headed out to the front lawn to shuck the corn. "Is Independence day huge in America?" I asked, grabbing the huge corn and trying to get all the messy hair out of the way. "Well, it may not be as huge as Thanksgiving and Christmas but it is definitely an occasion where family come to visit and celebrate." Megan explained. "I love how we decorate everything and have delicious food. It brings us together as a family" I smiled at her answer and thought about my country, South Korea. We also had an Independence Day but people hardly celebrated it. It was just a national holiday for us to rest.
After dinner, we sat down to light the fireworks. "It's our tradition to end the day with fireworks." Sure enough, I could already hear popping sounds coming from other houses in the neighborhood. "Minnesota state laws are pretty strict when it comes to fireworks. So many people actually go down to Wisconsin to get wild ones" grinned Mitch, Megan's dad pointing at the houses across the street. "Wow that house looks like it could catch on fire." I exclaimed. The fireworks were enormous and the flames were so bright in every color imaginable that it almost looked like witchcraft. "Hey, you should light one" Lyndsey nudged, handing me a firework called Irish leprechaun. So with a lighter, we crouched down on the driveway, carefully igniting the thin string attached to the box of magic and I wondered how this whole day was like celebrating America's birthday, ending the day with lighting candles on its birthday cake.
Hey~ I love how you mentioned every little detail of celebrating the 4th of July. As I was reading, the firworks, the food, and the family gathering all seemed real to me. It reminded me of the time I'd celebrated 4th of July back in America when I was young. It was so much fun. Also, I like how you started your paragraph describing the active motion of lighting the fire. It really made me want to keep reading. See you in class :)
ReplyDelete-Kyeong Ju Seo-
It was great reading your story! It caught my attention from the beginning to the end. It was like reading a novel! The words were well chosen and I could definitely feel the atmosphere. The detailed description made this experience seem extremely real to me.
DeleteAll the essay was perfect except for few parts like in the development paragraph, as you were talking in the position of the first person in singular such as “I” or “we” maybe it would have been better to keep that way even in the sentence “To celebrate the legal separation and independence of United States from Great Britain, you could see signs of America all around”. Besides, I think that the word “and” had been omitted when writing the sentence “The table cloth, cups, napkins and plates were all striped in red white.”
The introduction paragraph was definitely a good beginning, making us feel reading on because you described the moment when igniting the thin string attached to the magic box in order to make fireworks. The situation was well described, especially the emotion at that time, and the actions were alive which definitely caught the readers’ attention.
The basic verb tense was in the past tense but when reporting the direct dialogue you used the present tense which made this text even more alive. However, there was just one passage I disagreed with its use in “We also had an Independence Day but people hardly celebrated it. It was just a national holiday for us to rest” maybe it would have been better if the writer used the present tense as it continues to be considered like that in Korea.
When you have to revise, I would like to know more how this experience was important to you because I could completely feel the importance of the 4th July in the United States by the ambient described but less about the importance of this experience from the writer. I would like to know how it had an impact on you more than just comparing the Korea’s and the America’s Independence Day.
Hi! I'm Dong YI Kang of your class, and I love the exquisite details, which includes the actual speech and the actual names of the figures in your short story. Perhaps because I could identify with the celebration of Fourth of July were your story more special :) Your past tense usage was very appropriate with your memoirs of the occasion! You reminded me of many, many things that I had forgotten about my own experiences of 4th of July from more than a decade ago. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteHi! I'm Sea Hee Choi. I liked the way you described lightening the firework as if it is happening now. I can feel it just from reading it!! Also, it was good to know how Americans celebrate on 4th of July. It would be much better how it meant you on that day : ) Overally, I really enjoyed your writing. See you on Thursday: )
ReplyDeleteFINAL DRAFT, Hye Hyon Kim
ReplyDeleteI held the lighter carefully, as I watched what I had in the other hand would catch fire or not. I was scared either way. My hands were trembling and I had already burnt my thumb. My friends Megan and Lyndsey were both with me, blocking any whistle of a wind that may sway the tiny but powerful red and yellow glow I grabbed tight in my hands. All of a sudden, with a sizzling buzz, the fire caught on. “Run, run, run, run, run!!!” I yelled and we ran back to the house from the driveway. As we ran, we heard fireworks shooting up into the clear black sky.
The date was 4th of July. Having never celebrated or even been in America for such an occasion, I generally had no idea what this day was about. Fortunately, my friend Megan and Lyndsey had asked me to join their families in the city and I was delighted to go. Even as we were driving, I could see this was a busy holiday. To celebrate the legal separation and independence of United States from Great Britain, you could see America signs all around. As we drove into the lively neighborhood, I could already sense the excitement of the residents. Houses had ribbons and flags hanging on the terrace, pillars and walls and even the kids’ faces were painted. Indeed, at Megan’s there were decorations everywhere, each one with the American flag printed on it. The table cloth, cups, napkins and plates were all striped in red and white. A cake which Megan’s aunt had brought even had fruit skewers with blueberry, strawberry and marshmallows. Everyone was busy turning on some music, talking about what a beautiful day it was and also preparing the food for the big barbeque later on. Lyndsey, Megan and I headed out to the front lawn to shuck the corn. “Is Independence day huge in America?” I asked, grabbing the huge corn and trying to get all the messy hair out of the way. “Well, it may not be as huge as Thanksgiving and Christmas but it is definitely an occasion where family come to visit and celebrate.” Megan explained. “I love how we decorate everything and have delicious food. It brings us together as a family” I smiled at her answer and thought about my country, South Korea. We also had an Independence Day but people hardly celebrated it. It was just a national holiday for us to rest. It made me cringe a little. The bond I could see and feel in my friends’ families towards their country made me reflect back on my culture and think how our country could be brought together on the memorable day we redeemed back our freedom. I couldn’t remember the last time I hung my Korean flag outside our apartment terrace on August 14th. Not many people did, but I knew every little bit helped. I promised myself from then on, I would be grateful to be a free citizen of South Korea and hang my flag proudly up high on our Independence Day.
After dinner, we sat down to light the fireworks. Sue, Megan’s mom smiled at me and explained, “It’s our tradition to end the day with fireworks.” Sure enough, I could already hear popping sounds coming from other houses in the neighborhood. “Minnesota state laws are pretty strict when it comes to fireworks. So many people actually go down to Wisconsin to get wild ones” grinned Mitch, Megan’s dad pointing at the houses across the street. “Wow that house looks like it could catch on fire.” I exclaimed. The fireworks were enormous and the flames were so bright in every color imaginable that it almost looked like witchcraft. “Hey, you should light one” Lyndsey nudged, handing me a firework called Irish leprechaun. So with a lighter, we crouched down on the driveway, carefully igniting the thin string attached to the box of magic and I wondered how this whole day was like celebrating America’s birthday, ending the day with lighting candles on its birthday cake.