It's an embarrassing thing to exaggerate something I did in the past, but I personally attended student rights movements. Wasn't really big, writing few posts on the school board about the reasons school should not delete posts by other students. At that time, the fight between me and the school went on for about a month. During that period, I uploaded new essays, went to the teachers office and get scolded and came back to write more.
The incident happened when one of the teachers at my high school stated that people who voted for a particular party is actually communists. I got enraged because my father used to vote for them as well. I stood up against the school that these kind of political biased must be gone from this school. After a few arguments between me and my teacher, I expanded my thoughts to let students' voices be heard. I wrote new posts about demolishing the policy on student hair regulations which ultimately got changed after my graduation.
We are actually not familiar to democracy. The only thing we learnt about this ideology is that it's something different from socialism and communism. Unfortunately, unlike the democracy that we have learnt during our high school studies, Democracy is somewhat hard and inefficient. The reason we chose this is not because it's the best, but because it has the safe features unlike the others. That is why in order to overcome the inefficiency, we must seek for more changes. If we don't stand up, no-one will know our needs.
Hi Min Gu, this is Mi Hyeon. I enjoyeed your thoughtful writing. I was surprised to know that your school policy had changed after your proposal. That is something rare to happen! I was a little bit confused if you were talking about your university experience or high shcool experience at first, but as I read more, I could tell it was your high school experience. For the beginning, I wish you had more of a punch line with your first paragraph, to catch reader's attention. And the basic ver tense you have used is past tense since this is your past experience. I would be excited to read more about your story after revision!
ReplyDeleteHello, this is Shim Min Jung and I read your post very well.
ReplyDeleteWow, I would not be able to stand against to the teacher at that moment even if he/she insulted my father. It was very brave of you to do that. And I like your description like this phrase – I expanded my thoughts to let students’ voices be heard. It made me imagine how you strongly said to the teacher. For the improvement, I think the verb ‘get’ in the last sentence of the first paragraph should change into ‘got’ since it happened in the past. Also I totally agree with the above comment from Mi Hyeon as she said the essay would need more catchy start in first the paragraph. Then see you next week!
Final Draft, MinGu Lee
ReplyDeleteThere is an old proverb, “If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen.” This story starts by me stating my hypothesis opposing this maxim. The memory goes back 7 years, when I was in the third grade of high school. ‘This is against democracy.’ The first word I remember as a young pioneer seeking to bring something taboo to one of the most conservative schools in the province. The most dramatic change of my life.
It all started during the ethics class. The teacher, who was perceived to be one of the most conservative person in the school, stated that anyone who voted for the labor party was either a socialist or a communist. Just to make it sure, calling someone a communist in this country is the same as saying that the person is a criminal. I got enraged because I knew that one of my parents voted for a progressive party. I went online, wrote on the school freeboard entitled ‘This is against democracy’. The mid-sized essay contained information on how the ethics teacher misled students as well as my thoughts on how this school should abolish politically biased teaching.
The kitchen of teaching, got furious. As a cook living inside the system, was forced to be summoned to the teacher’s office several times. There I met In-Hyuk, who was also trying to change the school policy, stating that the hair code must be liberalized. We were the two crooks who tried to override the system. On that day, I went back home and read In-Hyuk’s essays. His idea was radical, but somewhat plausible. However, I found out that the school has been deleting all the posts which were written by me or my fellow comrades.
My target changed from then. I started writing posts about the school trying to obstruct our freedom of expression. This lasted about a month from March to April, which is perceived to be one of the most important time during the high school years. A lot of students asked me why I am doing this, as well as acknowledging me that I would not be the one who gets the cherry at the end. There I stated, ‘I’m a student. If there is something wrong about the school, it’s us who has to change it.’
We are actually not familiar to democracy. The only thing we learnt about this ideology is that it’s something different from socialism and communism. Unfortunately, unlike the democracy that we have learnt during our high school studies, Democracy is somewhat hard and inefficient. The reason the people chose this is not because it’s the best, but because it has the safe features unlike the others. That is why in order to overcome the inefficiency, we must seek for more changes. If we don’t stand up, no-one will know our needs. The conclusion to my hypothesis is that “If you can’t take the heat, you are the one to extinguish it.” Because no-one else can.