It was green below with all the yellow and white lines marking the distance in yards on both to my left and right. The sky was blue with the sun shining down on me as I absorbed all the sunlight like a solar panel. It almost felt like I was going through photosynthesis with all the sunlight my skin was absorbing. I was burnt to crisp like a pie that was left in the oven for too long. And my eyes were fixed on the yellow colossal structure in the shape of an H straight ahead of me. The sweat was dripping down inside my helmet like a waterfall, and there were 11 bruisers in front of me as they were creeping closer and closer to take me down as soon as the signal was given. And then the man said hut, and I charged into hellfire as those monsters that were waiting just on the other side swarmed over me like locusts.
Those demons were coming for me. They were going to impound me like a junk car. In the midst of that chaos, I saw the light. It was tiny but I could squeeze in. And that tiny ray of light was all I could follow at the moment. I ducked my head and just charged like a bull straight ahead. I looked up again, and I was in the light. I have escaped the swarming bruisers. I could see nothing but green grass down the field and the massive yellow structure was there to greet me. I ran in joy and excitement towards it as I knew that that was my promised land. With the escape, came the catharsis. It was pure joy and excitement as I left all those monsters behind me and marched across that last white line with the whistle blowing signaling the end of my run. This was all that I ran for and this was all that mattered.
I opened my eyes and I looked at where I was standing. It was still green with all the yellow and white lines marking the distance in yards both left and right. I looked straight ahead and I still saw the same colossal H shaped structure that was painted yellow. And I looked up to check the sky but it was dark with just some stars shining over me. Then I realized that time has passed and the sun was no longer shining above me. Then my eyes came back to Earth and I looked again to see what was in front of me. There was nothing. No bloodthirsty bruisers, no huts, no whistles, nothing. I took my hands to my face and I felt no sweat. But the bit of catharsis was still there in my system as I felt some joy and excitement. But everything else, were just my projections from memory. For a moment, I was completely away from this world and time and I forgot about everything else that was haunting me. The buzz and high began to wear off and I started to walk off of the field and I got in my car to head home. As I was starting my car, I saw myself grin in the rear-view mirror.
Hello ~ This is Kyeong Ju. Wow. At first, while I was reading your essay, I was like 'WHAT is going on?' But then I got it the second time. I really liked the twist at the end of your writing. The best part about your essay was that your expressions are so vivid and real. You really know how to show, not tell. From the beginning to the end, how you throw sophisticated sensory details at the readers,wanting them to figure out what's going on, I thought that was new. I assume the place you wrote about is the football field, although most events happened in your imagination. So you were drunk, passed out on the field and had a dream of you winning the game for your team in football maybe? There are so many sensory details that I really like and it's hard to choose but I especially liked how you "burnt to crisp like a pie that was left in the oven for too long" and "charged into hellfire as those monsters that were waiting just on the other side swarmed over me like locusts". I thought those expressions were brilliant. The mood of the story changed from fear(demons coming for you) to relief (after realizing it was all a dream), then excitement (feeling catharsis). I think you wrote about this experience because you've had the victory of winning the game although it only happened in your dream. It does feel good to be the star of a game. Or maybe the rush of adrenaline felt good. Anyway, I really enjoyed reading your essay! :)
ReplyDeleteHi, this is Joo-Hyun LEE. I really enjoyed reading your essay although at the beginning it was hard to comprehend where you were guiding us to. But then I got it the second time. I also really liked the reversal at the end of your writing. The best part about our essay was your writing skill that completely attract the reader’s attention particularly with your vivid and realistic expressions. You definitely know how to show and not solely tell. From the beginning to the end, you were able to give sophisticated sensory details at the readers, wanting them to figure out what is going on and what will follow. I guess the place you wrote about is a football field, although most events happened in your imagination. I could definitely feel your true sense of victory even in a dream where you won the game for your football team. There were a lot of sensory details that I really like but particularly the expressions "burnt to crisp like a pie that was left in the oven for too long" and "charged into hellfire as those monsters that were waiting just on the other side swarmed over me like locusts". I appreciated the first one because it was a really brilliant imagery comparison that came directly in our mind when we first read this passage. The second one too, we could completely empathize your state of mind when having to face and defeat your adversary. The mood of the story changed from fear(demons coming for you) to relief (after finding your promised land), then excitement (feeling catharsis). I think you wrote about this experience because you have had the victory of winning a football game although this story only happened in your dream. It might feel great and proud to be the star of a game. When revising your essay, you could verify if there were any words repeating in a row like ‘that’. Anyway, I really enjoyed reading your essay!
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