Hye Hyon Kim/ Challenges faced to be who I want to be/ Thursday 1 pm

201200992 Hye Hyon Kim

Intermediate Writing

Professor Jonny Halberg

Thursday 1pm

Challenges faced to be who I want to be 

 

I interviewed 2 young adults who have dropped out of university. Generally, there is a certain expectation that comes with a certain age. After high school graduation, students enter university. Around Mid-twenties, young adults graduate and seek jobs. Around 30, people settle down and get married. Especially for Korean high school students, many anticipate their long waited university campus life, dreaming of being free from studying over 12 hours to take their monthly mock KSATs exams. However, I happen to know people who have dropped out of college. Why? Reasons vary, but my two friends, decided to quit college because the universities they entered simply did not provide the education that they were hoping to receive.

Two of my friends, Dawn and Hyejin, who each dropped out of university because they were not satisfied with what they were taught. Dawn dreams of becoming the next fashion designer of Korea but when she went to fashion design major at J University, she met many students had entered the major, just to match their KSATs scores. After a semester, it was clear to her that she could not learn anything about fashion there so she decided to drop out, against many who tried to persuade her not to. Hyejin, who stayed at her first university for 4 years, still could not decide what she wanted to become after years of studying in her major, Culture and Tourism. At the age of 25, with only a semester left to graduate, Hyejin decided to start studying KSATs again.

As I sit down in front of Hyejin, she first gently asks what the interview is for. I could tell she is a little nervous by her hands playing with the ends of her hair. I tell her it is for a class assignment and that if she wanted, I could make her anonymous. My friend, however, answers boldly, "No, I don't mind. I am not ashamed." I start the interview by asking her how she came to drop out of school. "I wanted to go to a better university. The school and the major, Culture and Tourism, was what I went for because they matched my KSAT scores. The major was new so the curriculum was not set properly and I wasn't sure what I was learning. The professors were from various fields, some had majored in sports, some in Chinese. All they talked about was how to get a job, and how they got their jobs." I listened to her answer carefully and said, many students graduate to look for a job. Hyejin replied, "Yes, but I felt like I wasn't learning anything about my major or a specific field. It suddenly felt like I was in a training program to be hired. But, I really didn't want to become just another employee of a company. I wanted to build on who I was than just be a part of something." I see the sincerity in Hyejin's eyes when she talks about the person she wants to be. She looks at me the whole time while answering, her voice strong and firm, to show me she really means what she is saying.

However when I ask her about the reaction of the people around her about her decision to drop out, her posture changes. "Many were worried. It is also something that I still go through because people tend to judge just by simple facts than by getting to know me and hearing my story. They hear my age and I see they already have an opinion of me. Even my friends who knew me for some time tried to stop me when I told them. However, my parents were very supportive and were by my side. When I told them how I felt about my current school and how I wanted to try again, they were with me the whole way and I am really grateful. " I asked her if she still thinks about her old school. "I do. When I look around and see students, I remember when I was their age and had friends who were my age. Now I am older than other students here. I would like them to see me just as another student, who is studying to achieve their goal." I ask her what her goal is and she smiles, "My goal really is to be happy. I love literature and I would love to teach it someday and write my own too. But the most important thing is, to enjoy what I do and be happy."

Another friend, Dawn, also seems a bit nervous when I start to ask her about her old school life. She asks me to not use her real name and fidgets a bit as I ask her about a dark period in her past. She begins to tell me that she went to a university near her home majoring in her passion, fashion design. "I chose my major because it was what I wanted to learn to become a designer but I found other students were very different. They had no interest in fashion. They had come because the major matched their scores. I looked at the seniors, the professors and they were not people to look up to. Professor were just teaching us theories from books about fashion, without any activities or assignments about making or creating my own items."

I asked her how she came to think upon dropping out. "As the semester went by, I began to realize that I could not learn anything here. I wanted to do something creative but the curriculum and the courses here seemed useless. That is when I thought about dropping out of school. After that thought, I just didn't make an effort because everything didn't have a point anymore. I didn't bother making friends or try to adjust to the environment." I ask her to tell me more about how she felt when she realized she didn't want to fit or be a part of the school. Dawn hesitates for a few seconds and looks into a distance before answering to really visualize what she went through. I can tell it was a hard time for her because she doesn't speak for a while and doesn't look at me in the eye as she says, "Before I had decided to drop out, I was in a rough stage because I didn't know what to do with my life. I had low self-esteem and lacked confidence. I had so many expectations for myself but then, I felt like I could not achieve anything because I was unhappy and was not learning or developing in ways that I had thought in my mind. I refused to go to school and stayed at home most of the time, thinking what am I doing? What am I living for? I spend most of my time alone, thinking a lot." She plays with her fingers while telling me this and I hold her hand for comfort and ask her about reactions of others about her decision.

"Many people tried to stop me from dropping out. Especially my parents. They were for changing schools if I wanted to like by transferring to another school, but they didn't want me to drop out. Or they suggested that if I could just stick through it, I could easily get a job so why cause trouble? On the other hand, friends told me I was very courageous and envied me for it. They told me to go for it. I think adults are more realistic and prefer a more structured lifestyle. The younger generation, on the other hand, are up for a challenge, or a change." I smile at her and she smiles back and I see the bravery behind her response. Before I ask her another question, Dawn continues to speak, "Now? I love the fact that I am studying what I love. I went to a fashion college and they had many opportunities and events I could participate in. I also think that it is important for me to make an effort, I think that is what it comes down to. I have to try my best and then more opportunities and more work will come in my way and I couldn't do that at my old school, I wasn't motivated or even get myself to try to focus." I see the shine in her eyes as her voice is slightly louder and I hear the confidence behind her voice and ask her my last question, what her final goal is now. "My dream was to become a fashion designer. But now it has changed. My dream is to be happy doing what I like and enjoying what I do. My ultimate goal is to be happy." Dawn smiles as she says her answer and indeed, just by looking at her, I can see her shining with happiness.