Before the spring comes, there is a cold winter. We have to go through the bone-chilling weather in order for the flowers to bloom. Same was true for the South Korea through 1970's to late 80's. Many people with different occupation had fought for their freedom. My aunt was one of them.
At that time, she was a college student studying education at a national university. As a student of education, as a person who would be a teacher in the future, as a person who wanted her students to live in a better democratized society, she participated in the pro-democracy movement.
"I wanted my children to live in a better place, where freedom of speech is guaranteed, where everyone could choose their own belief, and where truly democratic society is settled down." She started with an even tone. "We could not even tell our parents what we were doing. Back then, it was an illegal act. Who would be delighted to know that their daughter is participating in that movement? It was a harsh and difficult path to walk through."
Within few minutes of conversation, I could see what the situation would have been like. Just like the movies we saw about the pro-democracy movement, these young men and women were fighting against something big, to keep the value that they believed in.
"I even got expelled from school. But I just could not stop there. Apart from the people who fought for democracy, there were also people who fought for legitimate labor standard and my group joined them. We were hiding in the jogyesa temple and there, my mother and my young sister-which is your mother- came to persuade me. I couldn't be more shameful. I felt so sorry to make my family worry about myself."
As soon as she said that, I could see the tears in her eyes. I could tell, that she had been through the tough times. In the end, when president chun doo hwan's era was over, my aunt was able to go back to school. The school had provided a special readmission period for those who were involved in the movement. Now, she is a beloved wife, mother, sister, and a teacher.
"I am not ashamed of my decision back at the time. I believe, because I had been through that, I am able to be proud of my job, which is not only teaching them how to read and write but also to lead the young children into the right direction."
I could not agree more with her on the fact that owing to all those people who suffered from unfair pressure, we are living in a society where 'I' am the center of my life, where 'I' am capable of having my own belief., and where 'I' am able to express my own ideas and feelings.
We have so many heroes around the world. From Martin Luther King who led the civil rights movement to Gandhi who led to the independence of India. But to me, my aunt was my hero, a bright young woman who was able to say 'No' when everyone was saying 'Yes' to unfair treatment.
Hi! I am Joo Hyun LEE. I loved reading your writing, it was really genuine and interesting! I liked the conclusion part the most because even though it was concise (a short paragraph of 2 sentences), it gave more power to your message which was really personal as well as touching! To me, there were no place where you were ambiguous; your essay was pretty clear. Besides, the most important idea that emerged from the interview was that "I wanted my children to live in a better place, where freedom of speech is guaranteed, where everyone could choose their own belief, and where truly democratic society is settled down.". It was the main reason your aunt participated in the pro-democracy movement and fought with courage for what she and many other people thought was right. One direct quotation from the interview that I thought was effective was "I am not ashamed of my decision back at the time. I believe, because I had been through that, I am able to be proud of my job, which is not only teaching them how to read and write but also to lead the young children into the right direction." I think that the number of quotations were adequate and well-balanced between the direct and the indirect quotations. Maybe one suggestion: it might be even better if you could put some details of the situations or obstacles she had to endure at that time instead of citing it was just like movies.
ReplyDeleteHi, this is Dana Eun. I must say that your writing was quite interesting.
ReplyDelete1. What I liked about the this essay was that it was easy to follow and attention grabbing. Also the introduction part is really good. I liked how you used the seasons to compare the history.
2. There wasn't any confusing part. I think your writing was clear and concise as the sentences were succinct.
3. Be able to say 'No' when everyone was saying 'Yes' to unfair treatment. This would be the thesis statement of your essay.
4. "I am not ashamed of my decision back at the time. I believe, because I had been through that, I am able to be proud of my job, which is not only teaching them how to read and write but also to lead the young children into the right direction."
5. I think the quotations were about the right number. But a few more could have been fine too. For example, you can add more details about the movement itself. What it was like and how did they actually prerpare or proceed the movement?
6. One suggestion for the improvement is adding more details in the fourth paragraph. You wrote that you could see what it was like, like the movies we saw. But it'll be much better when you add description of what those young men and women faced due to the movement or what kind of social atmosphere was like.
Hello, this is Shim Min Jung. There are already two comments but I already wrote the comment for you so I decided to just post it. I was really touched by your interviw story and I loved it :) These are the feedback based on the textbook page 162~163.
ReplyDelete1. I think this is a great essay. She used the right number of quotations to give the readers best effect. She didn’t use any difficult words in the essay but it still made the readers think ‘It is great.’ That’s skill of writing. I like the way she started the paragraph and ended.
2. There is nothing vague.
3. She wanted to talk about a hero who was able to say ‘No’ when everyone was saying ‘Yes’ to unfair treatment – her aunt.
4. "I am not ashamed of my decision back at the time. I believe, because I had been through that, I am able to be proud of my job, which is not only teaching them how to read and write but also to lead the young children into the right direction."
5. The essay has the right number of quotations. She used direct quotations only where the interviewee’s exact words are particularly effective.
6. Maybe she can mention again about the flower which appeared in the first paragrph for ending. For example, 'My aunt finally raised the flower called freedom'
1. The most favorite part of your essay is that you are proud of your aunt and she deserves it.
ReplyDelete2. There wasn't unclear point.
3. But to me, my aunt was my hero, a bright young woman who was able to say 'No' when everyone was saying 'Yes' to unfair treatment.
4. Effective direct quotation was "I am not ashamed of my decision back at the time. I believe, because I had been through that, I am able to be proud of my job, which is not only teaching them how to read and write but also to lead the young children into the right direction."
5. This essay contains right number of quotes.
6. You should longer the amount of interview about your aunt. The length is a little bit short.